Fight + Flight + Freeze: Automatic Survival Responses

I think it's safe to say that most people have heard about "Fight or Flight" as responses to stressful or threatening circumstances. We are confronted with a situation that beckons to make a choice: either fight back, run away, or freeze. There's only one thing: it's not really our choice. This choice is made for us automatically. Our body automatically gets put on alert when a stressful circumstance hits us, and then we are powerless.

Sometimes we fight back.

Sometimes we run away.

Other times we just stand (or sit or lie) there.

Regardless, it's not our fault if we run away or freeze when afterwards we say, "I should have fought back." Our bodies take over, and the response is automatic.

When we encounter a threatening or stressful circumstance in the context of PTSD, the response, I think, could become even more automatic, meaning that the body anticipates the response, especially if the circumstance is a potentially traumatic or triggering circumstance.

I have learned that if I say or do something that could in any way be triggering (even the way I walk), the FFF response begins way before things escalate.

If you live with someone that PSTD, please be careful about the FFF response and how it affects you. Learn your partners' triggers. Try to avoid them. The survivor needs to feel safe and in control at all times. << I cannot state that enough. Safety and in control are two things a survivor needs to feel all the time.

Anxiety and Symptom Levels

So I've got some more academic-styled articles that I'm working on, but I'm going to table those and take a personal note this week.

My job as a husband is to support my wife no matter what, but also support the best decisions for her health-wise. Right now, there is high anxiety all around.

Here's the takeaway today: Helping someone cope with PTSD is all about monitoring symptoms. Anxiety levels are usually a blanket indicator of overall symptom levels. High anxiety = high symptoms. When we are more anxious, naturally our alertness is higher, our cautiousness is elevated, and we're usually more jumpy. My wife is no exception, and the last couple of days have been very high anxiety.

Hopefully, things will calm down as the week goes on, but it's crucial for me to remember that anxiety and fear levels are indicators of overall symptom levels.

My wife has PTSD.

As one well-known author once said, "It was the best of times. It was the worst of times."

This isn't a blog about marriage, it's a blog about loving and living with someone with PTSD. However, in my life, the two are integrally related. While marriage has been a wonderful journey that so many will tell you it is, it has also been a trying one at times.

You see, my wife has PTSD. I'm responsible for some of the trauma, but not all of it. That honor falls to her childhood and past relationships. Sparing you the details of a damaging and disturbing childhood and past relationships, I will tell you that my wife is the most resilient person I have ever met (including myself).

I just finished reading a wonderful book, "Loving Someone with PTSD" by Aphrodite Matsakis. In this book, the author spells so clearly what it is like to have PTSD, and also how to cope with it yourself. I do no justice to the book, but I will—in the future—begin to pen my thoughts and techniques that I use to help love and live with someone who has PTSD.

I have no intention of giving details of my wife's background, relationships, or current issues other than PTSD. I also have no intention of ranting about how PTSD makes me feel here (it is not the time nor the place). What I do intend to do is giving pointers, ideas, and techniques that have worked well in my marriage.

It is difficult to find support and ways to help someone with PTSD. I hope to help fill that void in this blog.